It’s been a strange year to say the least. Just 18 months ago I was at the top of my career working with high-level “influencers” all over the globe; setting policy as it pertained to business and creativity, building better work environments, successfully adjusting to the ever changing landscape of being a parent as you watch your kids leave the nest one by one. At exactly the moment I reached out believing my partner will steady me through these changes, the world came crashing down. What was once described as love and caring became lies and destruction; that horrible realization that I just became a very sad statistic.

The details aren’t important and probably not much different than so many others out there that have experienced hurt, betrayal and despairing sadness. What is different is that I’m making my way back. It was so very slow at first with so many of my friends and colleagues asking where I had gone and if I was well. My closest friends told others that I was fine and would reach out when I needed to; when I came to understand it was all right for me to need the care of wonderful people. After months of balancing a family in need and licking my own wounds of shame and disbelief, I found myself ready to take my life back but I wasn’t sure what my life would look like moving forward. Thus began the process of redesigning my own reality.

For years, I have taught others how to analysis the status of their businesses, careers and personal lives. I’ve built creative departments and small businesses promoting best practices and infusing the process with an understanding of what makes their culture unique. I have encouraged individuals to build their careers around their families, their passions and their limitations. Now, with the encouragement of so many amazing people whose lives I was blessed enough to touch, I am reaching out beyond my past and pushing towards a future that frankly freaks the hell out of me but also is beginning to fill me with hope.

Many of the people that I have had the privilege of working with have become the dearest of my friends; Steve ,Jeff, ricardo, Michael, Justin, Jamie, Heather, Peleg, Pash, Adam, Matt and many more. You have told me over and over how much I have given to you over the years and now it is my turn to say thank you and tell you all that you have given to me:

“I am indebted to each of you for the manner in which you have encouraged me and proven that the connections we make in our lives surpass anything else we can accomplish. It truly is because of those connections that we find our definition of success and share it with the world.  I cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve learned and mostly I have lived. I’m eternally grateful that my friends have been beside me the whole way.”

My mom, a nurse herself, sent this to me. I felt it was important enough to share this ER nurse’s experience. Please read and be sure you share this information with the women you love!

“Women and heart attacks (Myocardial Infarction). Did you know that women rarely have the same dramatic symptoms that men have when experiencing heart attack…. you know, the sudden stabbing pain in the chest, the cold sweat, grabbing the chest and dropping to the floor that we see in the movies. Here is the story of one woman’s experience with a heart attack.

I had a heart attack at about 10:30 pm with NO prior exertion, NO prior emotional trauma that one would suspect might’ve brought it  on. I was sitting all snugly & warm on a cold evening, with my purring cat in my lap, reading an interesting story my friend had sent me, and actually thinking, ‘A-A-h, this is the life, all cozy and warm in my soft, cushy Lazy Boy with my feet propped up.’

A moment later, I felt that awful sensation of indigestion, when you’ve been in a hurry and grabbed a bite of sandwich and washed it down with a dash of water, and that hurried bite seems to feel like you’ve swallowed a golf ball going down the esophagus in slow motion and it is most uncomfortable. You realize you shouldn’t have gulped it down so fast and needed to chew it more thoroughly and next time drink a glass of water to hasten its progress down to the stomach. This was my initial sensation—the only trouble was that I hadn’t taken a bite of anything since about  5:00 pm.

After it seemed to subside, the next sensation was like little squeezing motions that seemed to be racing up my SPINE (hind-sight, it was probably my aorta spasming), gaining speed as they continued racing up and under my sternum (breast bone, where one presses rhythmically when administering CPR).

This fascinating process continued on into my throat and branched out into both jaws.  ’AHA!! NOW I stopped puzzling about what was happening  – we all have read and/or heard about pain in the jaws being one of the signals of an MI happening, haven’t we?’  I said aloud to myself and the cat, ‘Dear God, I think I’m having a heart attack!’

I lowered the footrest dumping the cat from my lap, started to take a step and fell on the floor instead. I thought to myself, if this is a heart attack, I shouldn’t be walking into the next room where the phone is or anywhere else … but, on the other hand, if I don’t, nobody will know that I need help, and if I wait any longer I may not be able to get up in a moment.

I pulled myself up with the arms of the chair, walked slowly into the next room and dialed 911 (the Paramedics). I told her I thought I was having a heart attack due to the pressure building under the sternum and radiating into my jaws. I didn’t feel hysterical or afraid, just stating the facts. She said she was sending the Paramedics over immediately, asked if the front door was near to me, and if so, to unbolt the door and then lie down on the floor where they could see me when they came in.

I unlocked the door and then lay down on the floor as instructed and lost consciousness, as I don’t remember the medics coming in, their examination, lifting me onto a gurney or getting me into their ambulance, or hearing the call they made to St. Jude ER on the way, but I did briefly awaken when we arrived and saw that the Cardiologist was already there in his surgical blues and cap, helping the medics pull my stretcher out of the ambulance. He was bending over me asking questions (probably something like  ’Have you taken any medications?’) but I couldn’t make my mind interpret what he was saying, or form an answer, and nodded off again, not waking up until the Cardiologist and partner had already threaded the teeny angiogram balloon up my femoral artery into the aorta and into my heart where they installed 2 side by 20 side stents to hold open my right coronary artery.

I know it sounds like all my thinking and actions at home must have taken at least 20-30 minutes before calling the Paramedics, but actually it took perhaps 4-5 minutes before the call, and both the fire station and St. Jude are only minutes away from my home, and my Cardiologist was already to go to the OR in his scrubs and get going on restarting my heart (which had stopped somewhere between my arrival and the procedure) and installing the stents.

Why have I written all of this to you with so much detail? Because I want all of you to know what I learned first hand.

1.  Be aware that something very different is happening in your body not the usual men’s symptoms but inexplicable things happening (until my sternum and jaws got into the act). It is said that many more women than men die of their first (and last) MI because they didn’t know they were having one and commonly mistake it as indigestion, take some Maalox or other anti-heartburn preparation and go to bed, hoping they’ll feel better in the morning when they wake up… which doesn’t happen. My female friends, your symptoms might not be exactly like mine, so I advise you to call the Paramedics if ANYTHING is unpleasantly happening that you’ve not felt before. It is better to have a ‘false alarm’ visitation than to risk your life guessing what it might be!

2.  Note that I said ”Call the Paramedics.” And if you can, take an aspirin. Ladies, TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE!
Do NOT try to drive yourself to the ER you are a hazard to others on the road.
Do NOT have your panicked husband who will be speeding and looking anxiously at  what’s happening with you instead of the road.
Do NOT call your doctor — he doesn’t know where you live and if it’s at night you won’t reach him anyway, and if it’s daytime, his assistants (or answering service) will tell you to call the Paramedics. He doesn’t carry the equipment in his car that you need to be saved! The Paramedics do, principally OXYGEN that you need ASAP. Your Dr. will be notified later.

3.   Don’t assume it could not be a heart attack because you have a normal cholesterol count. Research has discovered that a cholesterol elevated reading is rarely the cause of an MI (unless it’s unbelievably high and/or accompanied by high blood pressure). MI’s are usually caused by long-term stress and inflammation in the body, which dumps all sorts of deadly hormones into your system to sludge things up in there. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we could survive.”

Being the oldest of three and the only girl, I have the very typical maternal nature when it comes to my brothers. They were often my personal punching bags growing up due to the household rule of ‘boys cannot hit girls”. I know its an unfair advantage and swear it was one I seldom used but it was an advantage none-the-less. The funny thing was how I could verbally or physically beat down my brothers but God help the mo’ fo’ that came within a mile of hurting a hair on their heads!

When I was but six or seven years old, my brother and I were playing down at the end of the cul de sac. The school bully, Gary, lived to one side and my best friend to the other. We did a pretty good job of staying clear of Gary’s but on one particular day during a game of foursquare, Gary decided to be a douche and starting taunting me when I showed my friend the puka shell necklace acquired on our recent family trip to the Islands. My brother, Nicky, didn’t like that at all and became particularly protective when Gary grabbed my necklace and broke it! I As I tried to pick up the hundreds of bouncing puka shells from the asphalt through tear soaked lashes, my brother stood up to Gary defending ME! The size difference between these two was something like David and Goliath but unlike the Sunday school story my brother was no match for Gary. All it took was one push and the last thing on my mind was my puka shells. They didn’t even exist as my left hook made contact with Gary’s nose!

That protective nature turned into a friendship with my brother that rivals no other. Just this last week he had someone say something to him that brought that protective nature straight to the surface. When questioning a proposed business deal, he was told, “Everyone is going to think your crazy and it can’t be done. That’s because they can’t get over their own in securities about what’s possible in life.” That statement really made me think. On the one hand, I believe far too often, people don’t take the opportunities put in front of them because of fear and the insecurities often allowed to take root. On the other hand, to question is good and to look to those in your life who have had successes and inquire as to their thoughts is even better.

The bottom line is you have to believe in yourself. Opportunities come to you by way of other people of that there is no doubt. Insecurities often arise from the same source. They are both only seeds. Opportunity and insecurity have to be nurtured in order to grow. Only you can give life to them by believing in them and aiding them into development. It’s true that small people will attempt to break you down but it is equally true that big people will work to build you up. Either way, it’s you who decides!